You will need eggs to make this apple pie. If you’ve run out of them, get dressed and rush out to the store. And get iodine, cleansers, soap, bandage and sticking plaster, too. On your way back, grab some flour, apples and sugar. So, you come back home and go to your kitchen right away. While unloading your purchases you will surely drop a few of eggs on the floor. Don’t worry about that, just beat 5 remaining eggs into a bowl. Clean the kitchen floor, or else it will be slippery. Now follow directions carefully. Take your mixer and start beating eggs. Your mixer won’t work? Just try to switch it on. It made no difference? You probably have to put the blades in. So now you can beat the eggs. When you finish splashing beaten eggs all over the place you will want to have a shower. Wash yourself very well and get the yolk out of your nose. And finally, wash your clothes.
You have three beaten yolks in the bowl and that’s enough to make our apple pie. Now find old newspapers and magazines and cover the entire kitchen with them. Cover your furniture with a waste blanket if you don’t plan to buy new furniture. Take the flour package and put about a cup of flour into the bowl. Gather the flour you spilt on a table (forget about the flour scattered on the floor) and put it back to the package. Make sure you’ve covered all the walls and the ceiling in the kitchen properly. Now blend the eggs with the flour.
You need a bath again. Wash all that batter off. Take a sharp knife. Well, that’s where you need iodine, a bandage and sticking plaster. Peel five apples. Apply iodine to your cuts and bandage your fingers. Apply the plaster. Now, cut the apples. Keep in mind, though, we need two apples for our pie, so don’t eat them all while cooking. Pick up all apple pieces you dropped on the floor and wash them in running water. Add apples and sugar to the dough. Beat the ingredients. Clean up all those nasty spots on the fridge and windows, or else they will dry up which will make cleaning much harder.
Pour what’s left in the bowl in a baking pan. Forgot to coat your baking pan with oil? That’s ok, just pour the mixture back in the bowl. Now wash the baking pan, towel it dry and coat with vegetable oil. Wash your hands and again pour the dough in the pan. Place in the oven. If your pie still looks pretty much the same after an hour of baking, check if you turned the heat on. So now the heat is on and you can take a rest. As you wake up suddenly, open all windows, doors and your oven. Give your apologies to your neighbors and convince them that there was no fire. Now that you’ve recovered from all that shock, call your darling and say you gonna make something special for the dinner. Head for the store again and buy a cake and a bottle of wine, or even something stiffer. Unpack the cake and put in the baking pan. Greet your darling!